You’ve heard that saying,
“I’ll forgive her – over my dead body!!”

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The sad thing: that lack of forgiveness is actually moving that person to a dead body more quickly.
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I suppose it does hasten the forgiveness.

I declare it right now, however: There’s a better way!!!

 

First – remember what we talked about the last two weeks:

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Last week – we replaced the word forgiveness with the word release (click here to read/listen to it).
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Two weeks ago we discussed 4 lies that we attach to forgiveness that actually keep us from obtaining this freedom (click here to read/listen to it).

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Today I invite you to consider one truth about forgiveness/release. I will also offer you three methods that will help you forgive – before your body is dead.
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If  you prefer to listen, simply click the arrow in the sound track below.

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The One truth about Forgiveness is this:

Forgiveness is a gift!.

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“Yeah“, someone heckles from the audience, “for the person who gets it.“

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OK – Fair enough. The person who has been forgiven does get a pretty cool gift. What I mean, however, if that forgiveness is a gift for you!

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Unforgiveness is a cancer. It eats away at your soul and your spirit.
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It grows within you so fast that you soon can’t recognize the person it’s made you to be. The results show up not only in our countenance and spirit but the hatred invites disease in our physical bodies.

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The person who holds onto unforgiveness does all these terrible things to him/herself. Meanwhile, the unforgiven person goes along his/her merry little way – not caring at all.
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See – unforgiveness does nothing to bring about justice or right a wrong. It simply gives the other person continued power over us. We continue to be slaves thinking we’re somehow winning a battle over the offender. Truth is – the offenders are winning.

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Mahatma Ghandi said,

“The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

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Today – I want to give you the skills to be the strong.
In order to do that I will offer you three techniques I use to enable myself to receive this gift called forgiveness.
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Those who know my personal story know that this is real in my life. I’m sharing from experience.
My mother suspiciously died and my brother sits on my inheritance while I make myself vulnerable through a crowd funding campaign in order to get on my feet.
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If these techniques helped me, I believe they will also help you.
Glance through them and utilize the ones the suit you best.
You can book mark this page in case you need any of the other options at a later date.
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1) Claim Responsibility

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Unjust treatment debilitates us because we feel like we lose power in our lives.

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What am I to do with my sudden job loss?
Oh great – now everybody is believing that slanderous lie that Lisa is spreading about me.
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Here’s a quote from one of mentors, Darren Hardy:

“You are – at all times – 100% responsible for your life.
You have ownership of changing any situation into a positive.
You have full control at all times.”

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So – when my last non-profit job ended with a 3 day notice with no unemployment, no savings, and no family support….. I had to say to myself,

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“None of this was what I expected and I’m largely on my own right now but I’m not a loser or a quitter.
I’m capable, I’m powerful, I’m resourceful.
I will not only survive, but THRIVE in my life no matter what circumstances come from the back or side door. This is my life for which I’m responsible.  I will create it! I will not be a victim to it!”
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And with those words in my heart, I got back on my feet and poured my heart into getting my business off of the ground.

 

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So – Technique #1:
Turn your focus away from what was done to you.
Turn your focus towards how you want to use that instance for your betterment.
Your life is your responsibility. Decide what you want to create and then create it.

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2) Combine Gratitude with Forgiveness/release

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A) When you wake in the am – before getting out of bed list 5-10 things for which you are grateful.
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B) Allow yourself to completely feel the gratefulness. You must FEEL it.
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C) In that state of gratefulness, release the offending party and ask for a blessing of goodness to come into her/his life.
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This last step is actually more for you than the other person.

Given that, however, if that person grows in her acceptance of love and blessings, she’ll become a better person too. It never hurts us to see others get a blessing.
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What hurts us is when we want blessings with-held from others. That’s the cancer producing stuff we talked about earlier.

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3) List it – Feel it – Release it – Don’t take it back

 

For the deeper challenges in life, simply claiming responsibility or combining gratitude with forgiveness isn’t enough.
We have to actually process it.
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Here’s how I’ve worked through my deeper pains, including the injustice I saw around my mother’s death.

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On a piece of paper make three columns.

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A) List it
In the left hand column write a specific offense from a specific person.
Mind you this is not a whole list of offenses. This is one particular memory/offense.

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B) Feel it.
In column 2 write in prose as much as you can about how that offense felt.

Write how it felt in your body. Write about the thoughts it triggered.
Write about all the earlier injustices that it brought to your mind.
Write how it made you feel disrespected and unloved.
Anything at all related to your FEELINGS  – write it out.

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This might take you several days.
That’s OK. Take as long as you need as long as you are consistently working on it.
Don’t put it off.

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C) Release it.

After you write out all your feelings, then in column #3, declare your decision to release that person and that offense.

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Now I often release these things and the offense into the hands of my higher power.
For me that is God. This may be something/somebody else for you.
If you don’t recognize a higher power, then you can still release the person.
The point is that we release the person out of our own grasp.

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This is often the most challenging part.
We like rehearsing our stories and our pain.
We don’t always like giving them up.
We must, however, release these things and people in order to get free.

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D) Don’t take it back!!!
Here’s what will now happen..
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Your brain, which is working on your behalf trying to keep you safe, is slower than you are to release memories. It will remind you of that offense.
You will be tempted to have inner conversations about it.
You will be tempted to talk to someone else about this offense and person.
Be fore-warned – you don’t get to do that now!!
Remember you released it.
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You say,
“thank you dear brain for reminding me.
We’re done with this.
Let’s focus on creating our life.
Better things are ahead cause the life we’re creating is awesome!”

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Remember – Forgiveness/Release is a gift for you.

You will only enjoy it if you choose to
Unwrap it
Receive it
Use it

It’s my hope that one of these three techniques will help you to do just that.

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What’s your experience with forgiveness?
Have you had success at releasing offenses?
Are you having trouble releasing something now?
Tell us about it.
We’d love to celebrate with you and also help.

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Be sure to share your perspective in the comments! Your voice matters!
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To join our community and snatch up your copy of LouAnn’s worksheet:
‘Create the Life your Truly Desire: 5 Easy Steps’
simply fill out the form below.

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